Los Angeles – U.S. District Judge Michael Fitzgerald today set a new legal precedence for the music industry, passing judgement on the case between R&B girl group 3LW and Taylor Swift over suspected copyright infringement by the latter.
Gerard Fox, the attorney for 3LW’s songwriters, Sean Hall and Nathan Butler, claimed that, despite no musical elements having been compromised, there was sufficient similarity in the lyrics to warrant litigation.
After listening to the songs in question, Judge Fitzgerald quickly dismissed the claimant’s case, stating that despite similarities, both songs were “So mind-numbingly dull that if it weren’t for the songs being under three minutes long, I would have considered ending the pain by becoming fender meat to a passing Greyhound bus”.
The alleged ‘stolen’ lyrics included the phrases ‘Playas gonna play, haters gonna hate’, to which the Judge responded “What else would they be doing? It’s like saying ‘My colonic therapist is gonna shove a pipe up my poophole’ So what? In fact, you guys can have that line for free. I hope it makes you millions.”
At that point the Judge adjourned the court for 15 minutes, saying “I’ve got a Beef-on-Weck in my chambers that’s more interesting than this yawnfest”
In his summary decision, Judge Fitzgerald ruled that for songs to be covered by Intellectual Property law, they first needed to be in some way intellectual, or at the very least not “songs that sound like they’re designed to induce medical coma”. He also ordered that all persons involved should listen to Captain Beefheart’s 1969 album Trout Mask Replica before bringing another case to his court.
