BBC to reboot “Porridge” at HMP Liverpool

Fans of the classic TV comedy Porridge will be glad to hear that the BBC has decided to reboot the series, albeit with a few changes. BBC Head of Comedy, Anton Fortescue-Rimmington-Tolquith said to Mersey Gazette, “Out of respect to the late, great, Ronnie Barker, we’ve decided to replace the lead character “Fletch” altogether, instead of having another actor play the role. The writers have come up with a rather jolly scamp called ‘Chippy Tits’, who finds himself doing ‘Porridge’ for bribery and shady property deals.”

The script for the pilot episode has Chippy Tits use his connections to land a cushy job in the prison kitchen, where he skims the food budget, leaving the other prisoners with substandard food. “It’s only a bit of sawdust in the gravy, it won’t ‘bring it on top’ like those breezeblock student flats next to Lime Street Station”, he quips to his cellmate.

The Mayor of Liverpool Joe Anderson is being scouted as a possible shoo-in for the lead role. At the time of going to press, he was unavailable for comment.