Tensions erupted between the managers on the Anfield touchline last night after a tense battle between the two top-of-the-table clubs. Liverpool had just clinched a defining winner in the dying minutes from an unstoppable Firmino header, causing them to leapfrog Spurs into the Premier League’s top spot.
At the customary post-match handshake between managers, Tottenham’s Jose Mourinho said, “The best team lost”, to which Klopp allegedly muttered under his breath “Not so special now, bitch”, referring to Mourinho’s lapsed moniker “The Special One”.
Mourinho, who might better be referred to now as “The Sacked One” after his inability to complete a full managerial contract, continued his rant in his post-match interview: “At the start of my tenure, I intended to make Tottenham great again, but the game is under coordinated assault and siege from touchline fraud. Even while we’re talking here, Jurgen will be in the bar, standing there with his shiny teeth, buying all the match officials steins of beer and offering tours of the trophy room. I just can’t compete with that. That’s why I will be seeking judicial review from the Supreme Court over this result, and demanding a goal recount”.
In the search for a response, Mersey Gazette tracked down Klopp in the player’s hospitality suite where he and the match officials appeared to be drinking from straws out of the Champion’s League trophy. “Every day’s like Oktoberfest here”, he said before standing on a barstool and shouting across the crowded room, “Has anyone seen Jose’s dummy? He spat it out on the floor somewhere, everyone take a look. Haha! Boom!”
A spokesperson for the Premier League said “No claim has been made over the legality of the result by Tottenham, I suspect Mr Mourinho will calm down once he’s had a Horlick’s”
