“We’re all in this together” says PM from private Caribbean island

With the deal with the EU signed off, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has relocated to the private island of Mustique, leaving Westminster’s civil servants to decipher the details of the Brexit deal from Johnson’s scribblings on the back of a cigar packet.

The PM made a public announcement today from the luxury Caribbean hideaway, calling for a “renewed sense of unity”, because “we’re all in this together”. Johnson continued, “As the year draws to a close, I wish to express how deeply endebted I feel to our life-saving NHS staff, and as a reward for all their hard work and sacrifice, I will guarantee that we will postpone any wage cuts and redundancies until at least Q2 2021”

He then referred to the port delays by saying, “I am personally humbled by the Eastern European lorry drivers who gave up spending Christmas with their families so that St James’s Park Waitrose had a good supply of kumquats and mangosteen. I have personally signed off an order giving them each a cereal bar, free of charge.”

He finished by saying, “Unfortunately I’ll be negotiating a fantastic trade deal with the island of Mustique until mid February, but in the meantime, chin-up and let’s get the Dunkirk spirit going.”