Gove bought 43% share of UK Scotch egg production 24hrs before “substantial meal” announcement

Exclusive: A Mersey Gazette investigation into the undeclared financial interests of Members of Parliament has shown that Michael Gove allegedly “swept up” huge swathes of the UK’s scotch egg manufacturing capability just 24hrs before his statement giving scotch eggs as the example for what constitutes “a substantial meal”.

The scotch egg soon became the de facto food offering for previously ”wet” hospitality establishments who were able to sell each customer up to sixteen pints per scotch egg as a way of appeasing lockdown restrictions.

Edmund Tumblethwaite, Managing Director of South Yorkshire Faggots & Other Meat Delicacies, said, “We only floated last year at 21p per share, but the night before the big orders started flying in it went up to a pound. Very odd if you ask me. I’m not complaining except there’s now a shortage of mechanically reclaimed meat to fill the orders, the only place that’s got capacity is a new abattoir in Newmarket.

Gove is due to attend a perfunctory Commons committee hearing where other MPs will grill the Chancellor for the Duchy Of Lancaster why he didn’t give the rest of them a “heads up”